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Family 411

It'll Never Happen to Us!

You may have seen the celebrity news article this week in which Kat Von D, celebrity tattooed lady and tattoo artist, admits that her former fiancee, Jesse James, cheated on her with as many as 19 women during their courtship. This may have come as no surprise to you celebrity watchers as Miss Von D was the rebound girlfriend of Mr. James soon after he was dumped by his ex-wife, Sandra Bullock for being a serial cheater. 

While your initial reaction may have been, "Duh, Kat, what did you think was going to happen?", in reality, she probably really DID think Jesse would be faithful to her.  Many of us in a new relationship are hopeful that this is THE ONE and are so ready to believe in our new love that we tend to ignore red flags - including bad behavior, personality flaws and past history.

It's easy to do this - we just tell ourselves, "THEY didn't work out because his/her ex was the wrong one. I'M the right one so our relationship will be different."  Is that possible? Yes. Is it probable (especially if he or she has a history of the problematic behavior)? Not likely. 

In fact, not only does Kat Von D say that she believed in Jesse James, but she wanted to show the world how wrong they were about him.  "There was a time when I was confident and excited at proving the world wrong, because I believed so deeply in people's ability to change for the better," she says.  Romantic stuff, but not very realistic given his well-documented history.

So, how to we keep from being a person who hears, "I told you so!", about their ex? First, pay attention to their past history. Do they have a series of problematic relationships that ended badly? Do most of their ex-partners have many negative things to say about the relationship? Have they cheated or acted selfishly repeatedly? If so, and they have not attempted to learn better relationship skills you may find yourself the next unhappy partner on their list - no matter HOW awesome you are. 






1 Comment to It'll Never Happen to Us! :

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Joanne S on Wednesday, November 16, 2011 6:39 PM
Bravo! Experience shows us that past behavior is a strong indicator of future behavior. And yes, people can change. The latter, however, is a result of being WILLING to change, or experiencing a life-altering event. And, as you point out, people's behavior us a reflection of them, not you. So take your amazing self and find someone who deserves you!
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