 Status update: “Joe is SUCH a butt head! Just found out he is STILL IMing his old girlfriend!” Status update: “Dave is late! Forget him! Anyone want to meet up at the club? I’m ready to PARTY!” Tweet: "My husband is the laziest guy ever. Can't even take out the trash without being nagged!" Status update: “GFs out with “the girls”. Whatever. She’s a slut.” You may have seen these types of Facebook status updates online or, maybe, you’re even guilty of posting a few of them. Now, with the invention of social media we have, yet, another relationship land mine to navigate. The popularity of Twitter, Facebook and other forms of instant communication make it easy and, perhaps, even tempting to share every thought and emotion you have about a subject the moment you have it and what topic is more emotionally loaded than relationships? But, sharing information about your relationship with Facebook "friends" and random Twitter followers can be very problematic - especially when it hits a rough patch. Once something is out on your Facebook wall or in the Twitterverse - it’s out there for good. Even if you delete it after reconsidering calling your partner a “lying bastard” (or worse) you can be sure that many people have already seen it and, perhaps, shared it on their own wall. Like gossip, once the cat is out of the bag it’s out. There’s no way to un-ring that bell. So, if later you wish to take your words back (or you've made up with the lying bastard) what’s done is done. And if your partner has not yet heard about that post you may have a second fight on your hands. Second, when we react in anger or frustration towards our partner we tend to think that we’re pointing out their shortcomings to a sympathetic audience. What we fail to see, however, is how we are coming across to others. Think back to that person who's written countless posts about how crummy their life is, how much their boss sucks, how broke they are etc., etc. Did you think, “Aw, that poor guy. I wish he could be happier!”, or did you think, “What a whiny loser!”. That kind of negativity gets old fast and reflects poorly on the person sharing it. Remember that if your complaints are numerous about your partner it may say something about them, but it also says something about your choice of spouse or partner, doesn't it? This point is not lost on your friends - just ask them. Finally, we fail to take into account how these public feuds affect those closest to us. If you and your partner have children they will most likely see these comments - as will their friends. Kids whose parents have fought online tell me how embarrassing this was for them. They report feeling humiliated because their parent’s problems were put on display for everyone to see. Parents and siblings may feel the need to comment and take sides. But, once you and your sweetie make up they may be considered an unwelcome interloper by the criticized spouse. Like anything you share in a public forum - personal information, photos, etc. - make sure to think twice and let some time pass before you decide to share your relationship issues with others. Doing so could cause irreversible damage to your relationship.  |
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